what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
