i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
