you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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