U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
