do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
