so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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