Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
