we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
