We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
