I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Randomize
