he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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