Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
