We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm passing your future prison.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
