Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
