Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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