Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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