put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize