i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
