Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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