does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
