Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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