That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
