I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
