1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sorry about my life...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
