remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
