the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
They took my balls.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
how drunk are you?
Several
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
