It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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