And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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