her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
