paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
