i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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