I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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