felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
