i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
