We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
