There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
