hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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