I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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