6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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