I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
