Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I enjoy the company of your penis
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
