this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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