I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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