He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
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he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
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Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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