On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She has the best kind of daddy issues