apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
