I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...