So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
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I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
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Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
And then my night got REAL pukey
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling