yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story