i permit you to call me
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.