I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover