...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
whose parrot is this?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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