I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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