Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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