My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
