My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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