The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
