I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
