I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
