if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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