Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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