there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
