8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
