It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
