the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
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