i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
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I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
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We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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