The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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