Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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