I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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