That's intense
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize