Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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