I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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