I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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